Where do you go to my lovely
by Mob
Summary: A MARK AND SUSAN FANFIC SET BEFORE SHE LEAVES PLEASE RNR now with chapter 2 (sorry I took so long
1. tell me the thoughts that surround you

Where do you go to my lovely?  
  
Chapter 1 Tell me the thoughts that surround you.  
  
Susan - S  
  
Mark - M  
  
Where do you go to my lovely  
  
When you're alone in your bed  
  
Tell me the thoughts that surround you  
  
I want to look inside your head  
  
Yes I do  
  
S: Hey! Mark!  
  
His eyes flickered as he awoke from his somewhat distant dream that he had been having in the doctor's lounge and was pleased to see the friendly face that stared back at him.  
  
M: Hey, you working today?  
  
S: Yeah, when am I not working?   
  
She looked depressed and he wanted to help.  
  
M: You really miss Susie huh?  
  
He blurted out before really knowing what to say  
  
S: Is it that obvious? ...  
  
Her face was saddened further and he caught her eye smiling to cheer her up  
  
...God, I don't know what's wrong with me she was never really mine.  
  
She wiped a tear from her eye hoping it looked like she was just brushing away the sleep.  
  
M: Do you realize how lucky that little girl is to have you? Chloe is not the most stable of parents but she will always have you to protect her if she needs you. You're a good person Susan.  
  
He could see that she was on the verge of tears but didn't really know what to do. He didn't want to hug her or even take her hand because he was afraid his feelings would betray him so he just sat and looked at her as she stared into the grain of the table. She was his best friend and he was afraid to comfort her, he felt awful. What could he do? A hug would only go so far and then what? He couldn't fix things however much he wanted to.  
  
She stared at the table trying desperately to stop any more tears the last thing she needed to do was to break down in front of him. She was aware that he was watching her but could not figure out why. Did he want her to cry? Was he waiting for a response to his statement? All she wanted at that moment was to breakdown in his arms but she knew it was impossible, she wouldn't let herself. She was too afraid of destroying their friendship. After all, he was her best friend; she couldn't bare Kerry Weaver for two seconds without him.  
  
Realizing they had been sitting in silence for a while now and it was becoming too much she tried to find something to say. But what was there to say? "How's the divorce going?" hardly seemed appropriate.  
  
S: (very quietly) Lot of good it does me.  
  
M: (somewhat surprised to hear her speak, he had been watching her in silence for so long) What?  
  
S: being a good person. It doesn't help much.  
  
M: It will sometime, it just needs time, you know?  
  
He subconsciously reached for her hand which was laying on the table and before he could stop himself he was holding her small hand and stroking the back of it lightly with his thumb.  
  
She was a little surprised, they were sitting there holding hands and it wasn't the passionate rush of emotion she had expected, it just felt right, this made her want to be with him and tell him how she felt more than before but she was so afraid that he wouldn't feel the same and it would ruin everything so she just smiled at him and looked into his caring eyes.  
  
He was warmed buy her smile so much so that he was forced to pull away, he hoped he hadn't pulled away too quickly incase she noticed.  
  
M: Well, back to work huh? Feel better, and there will be a silver lining, I promise.  
  
She feigned a smile and nodded for she would gladly believe anything he said. His hand had felt so perfect holding hers and she wished he hadn't pulled away. She was glad though she had felt momentarily tempted to tell him her feelings but after he left she felt foolish for contemplating it. Why would he be interested in her? Why would anybody want some psycho stalking her loony sister? She sighed and got up from the table hoping that the silver lining would turn up sooner rather than later.  
  
You talk like Molly Da Diedrich   
  
And you dance like zi zi dan mer  
  
Your clothes were all made by balma   
  
And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair  
  
Yes there are  
  
You live in a fancy apartement   
  
Off the boulevard san michelle  
  
Where you keep your rolling stones records   
  
And a friend of Sasha Di stele   
  
Yes you do 


	2. you're loveliness goes on and on

I own nothing blah blah blah  
  
Chapter 2 (your loveliness goes on and on)  
  
Mrs. W - Patient  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
I've seen all your qualifications   
  
You got from the sor bon (sp)  
  
And the painting you stole from Picasso  
  
Your loveliness goes on and on,   
  
yes it does.  
  
When you go on your summer vacation   
  
You go to jouer le pain  
  
With your carefully designed topless swimsuit  
  
You get an even sun tan  
  
On your back and on your legs.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Mark couldn't concentrate properly on his patient and kept being distracted by Doug and Susan laughing at the admit desk. He loved her smile. It had seemed absent since Chloe had taken Susie and he had missed it.  
  
Mrs. W: She's very pretty.  
  
M: (having not really been listening) What's that Mrs. Wilson?  
  
Mrs. W: The Blonde woman who has distracted you to the point where, if you wrap up my foot any more I shall grow 8 inches taller with every other step. She's very pretty.  
  
M: (smiling apologetically, realizing his mistake.) I'm sorry.  
  
Mrs. W: Don't mention it. I'm just glad I wasn't here for a shot.  
  
Mark tried to laugh but gazed over at Susan again wondering if his feelings were as obvious to her as they were to everyone else.  
  
Mrs. W: Are you two dating?  
  
M: (taken aback by her forwardness) um me and Su... Dr Lewis, No, I mean I'm just finishing a divorse, she just lost somebody close to her... Listen to me, you don't need to hear all this.  
  
Mark felt uncomfortable with the situation, was he really that transparent?  
  
Mrs. W: So you're both lonely?  
  
M: Umm... well... I don't... know if I'd say..., how about that foot?   
  
Susan glanced over at Mark while he wasn't looking and smiled contentedly to herselfat his blushing face  
  
Mrs. W: You need to tell her how you feel.  
  
She could see Mark was clearly embarrassed with whatever the patient was saying and so went over to see if she could be of any help.  
  
S: Hello Mrs. ...  
  
Mrs. W: Wilson.  
  
S: Hello Mrs Wilson, what seems to be the problem today?  
  
Mrs. W: Oh, I don't have a problem thanks to Doctor Green here. He's such a good Doctor wouldn't you say?  
  
S: Well only the best here.  
  
Mrs. W: So handsome and charming, quite the eligible Bachelor, don't you think?  
  
Susan could tell she was blushing and tried to come up with a quick witted remark as Carol walked past and heard the patient's comment.  
  
C: Yeah Susan, What do you think?  
  
S: Wel... He's house broken and very friendly, I'm sure he'll make somebody a good wife one day.  
  
M: (got up trying to defend himself) Hey!  
  
S: Ah! Sit!  
  
Mark sat obediently and then realizing what he had done he lowered his head and smiled privately to himself at his own obedience.  
  
Mrs. W: I see you have him well trained. Your practically married already.  
  
They bpth tried to laugh it off but they knew it was obvious. They watched each other laughing and smiled.  
  
When the plaster cast was finished they walked away together heading out of the hospital.  
  
M: sorry about that, I didn't mean for you to be embarrassed.  
  
S: Oh, not at all, she was sweet.  
  
M: hmmm  
  
S: Can you imagine us married? (laughing)  
  
M; Yeah you a soccer mom.  
  
Susan started giggling and seemed unable to stop herself.  
  
M: what's so funny?  
  
S: I'm just trying to picture you first thing in the morning. With your hair everywhere.   
  
She started laughing again.  
  
M: was that a bald joke?  
  
S: Blad joke? No but is that what happened? You woke up one morningwith it everywhere and just forgot to go put it back on your head?  
  
She wasn't sure why she was laughing so much, the joke wasn't even that funny. Maybe it was nervous laughter.  
  
M: Ok, now you did it...  
  
He picked up a handful of snow and held it threateningly, walking towards her.  
  
S: No! No! Mark No! Come on we're at work, it would be unprofessional  
  
He walked closer as she backed away.  
  
M: Unprofessional huh?  
  
He lunged at her stuffing the snow down the back of her neck   
  
S: Ah No!  
  
They fell over each otherand landed in the snow laughing as Susan retaliated with a snowball on his head.  
  
Intertwined with her he watched as she laughed heartily with her beautiful smile and felt a smile creep onto his own face.  
  
And when the snow falls your found in san moritz  
  
With the others of the jetset  
  
And you sip your nepolion Brandy   
  
but you never get your lips wet  
  
No you don't  
  
They had stopped their snow ball fight now and were sitting in a mound of ice picking snow out of their clothes.  
  
S: That was fun.  
  
He watched her, smiling at how happy she seemed to be by comparison to the other morning. He wondered if she was coming to terms with the loss of Susie and maybe she was finally able to put the past behind her.  
  
M: I haven't had a snowball fight in years. We live in Chicago, we should do this more often.  
  
S: Yeah, but not too oftenI may not get the snow out from the back of my shirt for a while.  
  
M: Sorry, here let me help. Stand up. Take off your coat I'll get it.  
  
She was unsure about this, not only because of the cold weather, but because it seemed very intimate. She decided she must be over reacting after all they were friends. So she obediently stood up laying her coat in the snow and facing away from him.  
  
S: God it's cold.  
  
He lifted her shirt and shefelt his hand on her back, softly brushing her skin. He had removed his glove which was covered in snow and his hand was warm on her back which was still cold from his initial attack.  
  
M: Sorry, I'll be done in a minute.  
  
She wished he wouldn't, for dipite the freezing weather, with every tough her spine tingled and her face grew warm with a blush that she hoped looked as though it was brought on by the cold.  
  
M: Did I get all of it?  
  
Awakened from her daze she replied   
  
S: Um, there's a little more, higher up, I can't reach it, could you get it for me?  
  
M: sure.  
  
He lifted her shirt a little more and reached up, finding the last piece of snow he brushed it off. Her back was so soft and he could feel her breathing, he wondered why such a tiny thing could be so amazing to him. He removed his hand slowly and putting her shirt back as he had found he straightened her collar which he had disturbed earlier.  
  
She leaned down, picking up her coat and putting it on hurriedly hugging herself and shivering.  
  
M: Come here.   
  
She felt his arms around her, huge and warm as he held her she felt safe in his arms as he rubbed them up and down her back. Without really noticing, she reached up and kissed his cheek by way o thanks.  
  
Realizing what she had done she was embarrassed and smiled, trying to laugh it off.  
  
M: What was that for.   
  
He said blushing but looking strangely pleased.  
  
S: I don't know  
  
She said laughing nervously.  
  
It was then that she noticed he was no longer rubbing her back but they were now just standing and holding one another, it felt wonderful and with every breath she tried to take in the moment. She hadn't been this happy in a long time, not since, well not since little Susie and the reality that she would never have her again hit her harder than any ice cold weather ever could.  
  
He could see she seemed upset and guessed why.  
  
M: If you miss her that much you should go visit. I'm sure Chloe wouldn't mind.  
  
He was surprised by his intuitive response and feeling safe in his arms allowed a tear to fall as she leaned her head against his chest.  
  
He felt here head on his chest, he had seen the tear fall from her eye and held her tighter hoping he was in some way comforting her. He knew she was still crying but the tears were silent. There were no sobs and she was not shaking. He didn't think anybody but children were beautiful when they cried, but she was. He stood holding her in his arms stroking her soft blonde hair as the tears fell.  
  
S: I don't even know why I'm crying, you must think I'm and idiot.  
  
Nothing could have been further from his mind as she tried in vain to wipe her tears away with her soaking wet gloves she forced a smile and shook her head.  
  
S: and look I got your shirt all wet I'm sorry.  
  
She somehow felt foolish but really didn't mind because he wasn't judging her. He took his hand from her back and she wished he would put it back. He reached up to his other hand and removed his glove. She was still trying to wipe away her the continuous flow of tears with wet hands and although she knew it was pointless she didn't seem to be able to stop herself. His bare hand came round in front of her while the other returned to the middle of her back. He took her right hand and lead it away from his face before doing the same with his left hand.  
  
M: It'll dry.  
  
He said before raising his hand and wiping away her tears one eye after another. Then the tears stopped She looked up at him and smiled, blinking slowly as he smiled that half smile that could always make her stomach flip over. He brushed some stray hair out of her eye.  
  
M: Better?  
  
She nodded by way of reply   
  
M: Warmer?  
  
S: (she laughed slightly) yeah.  
  
He unwrapped his arms and, putting his hands in his pockets began to walk back to the hospital. She seemed unable to move but instead smiled at him as he walked away. He turned to face her.  
  
M: You coming?  
  
Her feet finally released her from where she was standing and she ran up to where he was.   
  
They walked togethertowards the hospital. He felt like a school boy but he had made his descision and he was going to stick to it.  
  
M: Susan? (She looked up at him) If you're not busy tonight you wanna maybe, get dinner or something? Cheer you up a bit.  
  
She was completely taken aback, he was asking her out or at least that was what it sounded like. She stopped walking in surprise, he looked at her hopefully. Without thinking, she reached up, placing her hand behind his head she kissed him. It was a short kiss, but as their lips met her whole face tingled.  
  
Mark was in shock, he wasn't sure how she was going to react to the question he had been waiting so long to ask but he had not expected such good results. He was so surprised and happy that he didn't kiss back. She pulled away quickly taking her hand away from the back of his head and a flush of red went through her face.  
  
S: Oh My God. That's not what you meant is it. Oh God, I'm sorry Mark... I thought...  
  
M: (shaking his head breathlessly) No...  
  
S: Oh Mark, I, Uh I...  
  
M: No... You were right.  
  
S: (confused) What?  
  
Words failed Mark. He couldn't seem to get out what he was trying to sayand she ws burning a more purple shade of red every second.  
  
Susan didn't know what to do there seemed no escape from this increasingly embarrassing situation yet she looked around her as if hoping one would spring up from htin air. As she was looking for this miracle escape she wsa caught off guard by Mark's hands on the back of her waist and pulling her to him and staring deep into her eyes...  
  
M: You were right  
  
He smiled down at her and she beamed back, placing her han on the back of his neck once more. The pair hesitated, laughing slightly before locking themselves in a tight embrace. Finally they were kissing each other, after all the time they had waisted and all the uncertainty. So happy were they that when they finally broke apart they could do nothing but smile and stare at one another. He put his arm around her waist and before they stepped back toward the hospital he turned her to him, and lifting her chin, kissed her once more, softer this time and somehow more lovingly. He pulled away and kissed her forehead, leading her back to the hospital and not even noticing Doug and Carol, standing in the entrance.  
  
D: (To Carol) About time huh?  
  
C: Yeah  
  
She nodded happily handing him $20   
  
*************************  
  
But where do you go to my lovely   
  
When your alone in your bed  
  
Tell me the thoughts that surround you   
  
I want to look inside your head   
  
Yes I do. 


	3. you keep it just for fun

Chapter 3 (You keep it just for fun)  
  
Doug turned in response to a loud noise of an engine behind him. The motor cycle rolled up beside him, the engine quieter as it slowed to a halt. There was something different in this scene to the one he saw everyday, where there was usually only one rider, today there were two and one had blonde hair protruding from beneath the helmet.  
  
Mark took off his helmet and climbed off of the bike, steadying it so that Susan could climb off comfortably. She swung her leg around and stood up, still with the helmet on.  
  
M: You OK?  
  
S: Yeah   
  
He looked at her doubtfully  
  
S: No, I can't get it off (came the disembodied voice)  
  
He laughed, and lifting the visor, he planted a gentle kiss on her nose while he undid the strap and lifted the helmet off leaving her hair in a disastrous, disheveled, appearance and Doug who had been standing, watching fondly from behind them joined in this.  
  
S: What?  
  
They made a poor attempt to control their laughter  
  
S: What!?  
  
She picked up the helmed that had been removed from her head, pulled down the visor and seeing her own reflection sighed  
  
S: Oh man. And today was a good hair day!  
  
D: Wow, I knew you two came in together, I wasn't going to inquire into what happened before then but I see now I don't have to.  
  
S: Oh well Doug. At least I have some kind of excuse. Your arriving alone, how do you explain your hair?  
  
A smile broke out on her face and she ruffled his short hair before turning and kissing Mark's cheek   
  
S: See you later.  
  
Mark held on a little longer carefully trying to return her hair to its intended appearance. Eventually, on discovering his lack of hair dressing ability, he just planted a kiss on her hair and released her from his arm. She walked away trying to sort out the mess of her hair as she went. She was beautiful. He still could not believe how amazing he felt. He had wanted this for over a year, since before he and Jen had split up, but then he had shrugged it off as having something he could never have. Now he had her and he honestly couldn't find the words to describe how happy he was.  
  
D: So it can be done.  
  
M: hmm?  
  
D: The great Mark Green made deliriously happy, and by a woman, congratulations.  
  
M: (laughing to himself) Thanks, she is great huh?  
  
D: Of course she's great, you two were made for each other. We all told you that I don't know many times.  
  
Mark laughed at his own feelings and locking up his bike he turned and walked inside the doctors lounge where Susan sat with a cup of coffee having done all she could with her hair.  
  
M: So what you up to tonight?  
  
S: Oh I was going out with the cute guy.  
  
M: Yeah?  
  
S: mhm he's a doctor, I mean I hear he's a bit of a dork but hey, he should at least have some money. I'm hoping he'll go all out and we could, rent a movie or something.  
  
M: sounds like fun. Me, I was just going to go home have a "meal for 1" and fall asleep in front of the of the football. Have fun on your date though.  
  
At this point she picked up a pillow from the sofa where she sat and threw it at him playfully. She loved his sense of humor and for romance that seemed to be moving so fast it felt oddly comfortable, but then it had been a year coming, In hindsight she could see that. He had cared about her for almost as long as she had cared about him. She felt stupid for having wasted the time but was too happy in the moment to be bothered by it. There was his smile again; She could barely believe it had actually happened. There they were, together, after all this time, all the blind dates that could never live up to him. She had wondered if her expectations had been too high. But after two days since they had first kissed she could see he was everything she had hoped for. The best friend she would never forget, the sweet king gentle boyfriend she felt so happy with and the man she would always love. She laughed privately to herself, was she really that much of a cliché?  
  
That night, Susan checked herself in the mirror. Then she realized this was Mark. He had seen her, hung over with a head cold about to launch herself into a mammoth shift. But she redid her lipstick anyway; after all she still wanted to look nice. There was knock at her door, she went to answer. There he was looking as sweet as ever. A huge grin spread across her face. How could she be this happy?  
  
M: One of your neighbours let me in. I cooked!  
  
From behind his back he revealed a bag of takeout  
  
S: (Laughing) you made my favorite, how did you know?  
  
She took the bag of takeout from him and carried I into the kitchen where she put it onto plates. She poured two glasses of wine and as she was finding a bowl for the rice from one of the cupboards she realized she was merely a few inches too short to reach it.. She was trying to find a way of growing a few inches and hadn't even noticed Mark come into the room, he came up behind her. Reaching up over her head he picked up the bowl. His other hand slipped around her waist and he kissed her neck tenderly. With her an enormous grin on her face Susan put the rice in the bowl before turning her head and kissed his lips softly. She then turned and picked up the dinner carrying it into the table she got there he had picked up the dinner carrying it to the table as she got there he had brought in the wine and he put it down on the table rushing to pull out her chair for her. She had to laugh at what a gentleman he was. She had often questioned if guys like this really existed. He took his own seat and lifted his glass.  
  
M: To.... You and how happy you've made me.  
  
He knew how corny it sounded and winked at her as a way of saying it was OK to laugh, but she didn't, she smiled caringly at him and took a sip from her wine and he knew that she felt the same way.  
  
When they had finished their meal she meal she picked up the plates and returned to the kitchen placing them beside the sink.  
  
S: Coffee?  
  
M: No thanks  
  
Mark went into the kitchen  
  
M: Here, I'll help with the dishes.  
  
S: don't worry; I was just going to leave them for tomorrow.  
  
M: Come on they'll be done faster f we do them together  
  
He turned on tap and found some washing up soap.  
  
M: I'll wash, you dry.  
  
Susan was astonished, what other man would voluntarily do the dishes? She picked up a dishtowel and dried up one plate then the other, she laughed to herself, for somebody so willing to wash up, he was awful at it. There was soapy water all over the floor and she kept having to re-rinse everything but she didn't mind. The last thing he passed her was the rice bowl, he had taken great care over it, determined to get it right. While he was doing this Susan had time to put away all of the other dishes and once again they were left with just the bowl.  
  
M: (about to hand Susan the bowl) you want me to get this  
  
She laughed and opened the cupboard for him  
  
S: So did you ever tell Doug that we didn't sleep together?  
  
M: No, it was more fun to dodge his questions and make him want to know. That's not a problem is it? I mean....  
  
S: Oh, no I was just interested. It's kinda weird being at work, huh?  
  
M: I know, you think weaver knows yet?  
  
S: Oh she knows  
  
M: what do you mean?  
  
S: She came up to me today and said (putting on weaver's voice) Susan, I'm so glad about you and mark green. But don't think you'll be getting special treatment. (returning to her own voice) I don't know, she seemed to think it was funny. I mean I do get special treatment, right?  
  
M: Oh, you want special treatment? (With a devilish smile he begins to tickle her)  
  
Susan tried to run away but slipped on the soapy floor falling on her back. She lay there looking at the ceiling and a great pain surged through her spine. Mark leapt down onto his knees next to her.  
  
M: Are you OK  
  
S: Yeah I'll be fine, we seriously have to teach you how to wash dishes.  
  
M: (With a relieved smile) I'll buy you a dishwasher, I'm sorry, are you sure your OK?  
  
He took her hand, and supporting her shoulder helped her up.  
  
M: Oh I brought you something.  
  
He left the kitchen and hurried into the living room. While he was gone she stretched, trying to ease her back pain. When he returned he was holding a small picture frame. He turned it round and Susan laughed and gasped at the image before her. It was a picture of the two of them in a photo booth on the night they had left their blind dates who had found each other more interesting than they had found Mark and Susan. Susan smiled, she had forgotten about that picture.   
  
M: Are you sure your ok? (Apparently her pain was more obvious than she had thought) Here let me look.  
  
He pressed his hands on her back at various points.  
  
S: Really Mark, I'm fine I just... OK OW!! Maybe I pulled something.  
  
Mark took her hand and tried to lead her out of the kitchen.  
  
M: Come on, I'll massage it for you.  
  
He really was too perfect. But as much as Susan liked the idea (and she really liked it) she somehow felt she should decline.  
  
S: No it's Ok really, I'm fine.  
  
He gave her that fatal smile and there went her stomach for about the 100th time that day.  
  
M: Susan. Let me help you  
  
S: But I don't need any help I'm...  
  
M Ok have it your way but I won't say I didn't ask  
  
S: Thank you  
  
At which point Mark took Susan in his arms and lifted her, much to Susan's surprise  
  
S: Wow Mark what are you doing? How exactly is this my way?  
  
He carried her into the bedroom and placed her as gently as he could on the bed.  
  
M: I asked, you said no, so I had to take charge. Now roll over and let me see if I can help.  
  
She was still holding the picture and so placed it on her night-stand obediently doing as she was told. There were his hands again, warm on her back and strong. The pain in her back eased with every touch as he rubbed it.  
  
M: That better?  
  
He said moving away from her having finished.  
  
S: Yeah where'd you learn to do that?  
  
M: Jen made me go to a marriage guidance weekend. Two days of listening to single people talk about married life, and that ( implying the massage) was what I learnt.  
  
She had rolled over and was watching him speak . He no longer seemed bitter or saddened by the divorce but now talk about it as a thing that no longer bothered him. It was the past and he, like her was happy in the present.  
  
S: well you're excellent at it  
  
M: Thanks ( he looked at the clock) You're not on tomorrow are you?  
  
S: Yeah why  
  
M: It's really late, or should I say early, you'll be exhausted, I'll go, I should have turned into a pumpkin hours ago anyway.  
  
He jumped from where he sat on the bed and leaned over her kissing her in that soft, loving way  
  
That made her whole body feel like somebody was tickling her from the inside.  
  
As their lips parted she didn't allow herself to let him get far. When their faces were only inches apart shelifted her hand to the back of his neck, where she felt it belonged.  
  
S: (Quietly, looking into his eyes) stay.  
  
Was all she said before pulling him to her again. As if by way of consent he lowered himself onto the bed and one hand found her hip while the other gently twisted her hair between his fingers.  
  
Later that night Susan lay in bed staring at the picture and couldn't remember when she had been this happy. Somehow everything just felt right now and as she felt Mark kiss the back of her neck and her shoulder she pulled his arm around her tighter and settled herself top sleep with a smile on her face.   
  
Hello all thank you for reading only 1 chapter left cause I have ended it at four   
  
Of course you can put it on your susan webpage I don't mind at all and I'm flattered you asked :) 


	4. Remember just who you are

Chapter 4 (Remember just who you are.)  
  
Susan awoke from her sleep to the harsh sound of her alarm.  
  
Her eyes flickered open and she smiled to see the picture of her and Mark, she loved that picture.  
  
She rolled over in bed. There was something missing, the bed seemed cold and hollow.  
  
Then it hit her, She sat up in bed and buried her head in her knees. It had all been a dream and gradually time rebuilt itself around her and the full realization of everything that had happened dawned on her. She wasn't with Mark and she never would be.  
  
She could still barely believe it, even after a year, Mark was gone!  
  
She thought about when she had left for Phoenix, she had told him she loved him. At the time she had believed she was saying it for his benefit. Now she realized it was true. She really had loved Mark, more than even she knew, not only as the irreplaceable friend he had always been, but as the amazing, wonderful man she never really got to say goodbye to. She realized she had never loved anybody like that since. Perhaps that was the problem with Dix; he just wasn't Mark.  
  
She looked at the picture again; The picture Elizabeth had given her. He had kept it all this time, Elizabeth had said it was special to him. She had given her an envelope at the same time, but Susan had never opened it, she didn't know why, perhaps she just wasn't ready. But now she opened the drawer to her nightstand and took out the envelope, after a year of looking at it, unopened, she felt she was finally able to know what it said.  
  
Dear Susan  
  
By now you may have heard the letter I am going to send to the ER. I hope Carter will read it to everyone. I am going to write it when I have finished this letter to you. You are my best friend Susan. You have been for a long time. After you moved to Phoenix Doug said I had a broken heart, I think he was right. But it wasn't your fault, I should have said something earlier, I loved you Susan. That one kiss meant more to me than you will know.  
  
You have always been there for me when I needed you. Who else would sit up with me all night while I slept on their legs after a full day in the ER? In a way I have always loved you and still do. Elizabeth knows that, why else do you think she has been so "British" to you since you got back? You and Jen are the only other women I have ever really loved apart from Elizabeth and I will never forget you.  
  
Thank you Susan. You are such a wonderful person and so beautiful, especially when you smile. Please let your guard down more often and let people see how great you are. Especially Ella, she needs and aunt like you right now. Please Susan, help her "take her broken wings and learn to fly." I love her so much, Help her grow up and please don't let her forget me. Elizabeth is going to need your help too, but she won't admit it. Help her for me Susan. I need you to stay strong for them, I don't know anybody stronger than you. Tell Carter he can do it. I know he will have been asked to take over. Yes its scary, but I know what a good doctor he is and if he just works on his jump-shot I know he can do it.  
  
I asked Elizabeth to give you that picture because it's my favorite one of us and it always me smile.  
  
Remember me Susan but don't miss me. Never be upset when you think of me. I have nothing but happy memories of the two of us, you are so special Susanand when you think of me (assuming you do) don't cry, but let the world see that unbelievable smile that could always make me happy. Thank you Susan, Thank you for everything.  
  
Love always,  
  
Mark.  
  
(so look into my face MarieClare  
  
And remember just who you are  
  
The go and forget me forever  
  
But I know you still bear the scar deep inside yes you do)  
  
A tear fell onto the page as she sat motionless on the bed.  
  
Susan walked into the graveyard and up to the grave, she knelt down beside it and from her pocket she retrieved some objects and placed them at the graveside. She kissed her hand and placed it against the cold marble.  
  
As Susan leaves the graveside, no longer crying but smiling. The camera zooms in on the objects:  
  
A tiny model helicopter  
  
A white cassette tape  
  
And a note;  
  
Dear Mark,  
  
I overcame my fear of flying,  
  
Thank you for mending my wings.  
  
Love always  
  
Susan.   
  
(I know where you go to my lovely   
  
when your alone in your bed  
  
I know the thoughts that surround you  
  
Cause I can look inside your head) 


End file.
